Off on one

Hello again, and welcome to my tantrums and rantings about insignificant things.
Its been a while since my last blag, sorry blog, and to be fair, a lot has happened inbetween, but recently (and further developments today) concerning the south Yorkshire police helicopter (booyakasha, check out m'copter, those that watch "coppers" will get the reference). Was likely to be discontinued and other ones from neighbouring "forces" to cover its patch... Excuse me, Fuckwits... But one of the most densely populated counties in the UK, and one with also one of the highest crime rates in England, was about to lose its own helicopter that has PROVED its value many times over, in favour of bringing in Leeds/ hull/ Derby/ Nottingham et als units in? Estimated times of well up to twenty minutes to get over, by that time the burglars have loaded the van, fucked off, got down to the nearest pawn shop and traded it in by then.. Muppets.. More to follow.

talking utter bollocks

ok, on a lighter note, what is with all the utter bollocks that people churn out, on the tv,papers,radio. most of us aren't imbeciles, some are, but i wont mock the afflicted. the stupid are fair game, but never the afflicted. Some of the condescending arseholes talk down to the general public like we all enjoy going to school on the little bus with the windows that taste like strawberry.. I never did like the strawberry ones, raspberry was my favourite, but thats not the point.
The general modus operandi seems to consist of "keep them scared, then they'll listen and obey" how about bollocks!? Tell me the facts, the bare facts, no bullshit, no waffle/spin/ fluff. We know its a big bucket of shit, but its our bucket, so don't fill it with more.. Thanks.

wary of backstabbers.

doesn't time fly eh? but not as high as some people should fly after ive finished kicking their arses, its amazing just how quick the rumour mill can churn out such bullshit, that a cattle farmer couldnt keep up.
recently i posted some home truths on a popular (anti)social networking site ( not twitter, the other one), about a local "education" establishment. all of which are true (in my opinion, lawyers,if youre reading this. cheers) anyway, a few days later, after the witches had congregated around the couldron, because lets face it, most of the dole sponging slappers have fuck all to do all day when jeremy kyle isn't on, had spread rumours all over, and every last man jack of them was absolute bollocks.. i'm sure by now, ive assassinated abraham lincoln, shot a cat, stolen the queens bra and shagged ALL the spice girls. ( but i never did fancy sporty, only in a " is she a lezzer?" way).
so now, after more deletes than a homocidal cyberman, almost all of my "friends" (read:twats) are now resigned to the big trashcan in the cyber sky.
it certainly goes to show you who your real friends are, except for the celebrity ones anyway, but we all have some of those just to make us feel important and in possession of bollocks far larger than their actual size, even though some are ACTUALLY friends. (cheers gareth and d.m). bye bye for now. vent over. news of the world to follow.

Well overdue.

Well, its been well over two years since my last blog, and i thought it was about time i filled in the blanks, for those of you (39 at last count) readers. seems barely worth it but hey ho.
so we still have obama, we have a new UK government "the con-dems" (seems appropriate) we'll all be securely fucked into the floor before long, like some kind of crazed gimp.. or is that just my warped mind? anyhoo.
all the usual faces are still here, except for the guy that bought SEGWAY, the two wheeled upright electric things, who it turns out was also the guy that made millions from designing the walls that made camp bastion ( yes, it does sound like a gay porn star) who today promptly drove off a cliff on a segway, to his death some 80ft below.. tragedy, but i bet it was funny as f### to watch.
why the hell would you want to ride one of those, thats lets face it are preety unstable at the best of times, on a cliff edge, next to a river... are you menthol? sorry, WERE you menthol? the local M.P Ed milliband is now the leader of the labour party, hmmm, isn't that a bit like being made the captain of the titanic AFTER it hit the iceberg? " here you go lad, its all yours" " thanks.. twat" precisely. bye for now.
that ISN'T my belly, by the way.

is fed up with muppets

How come everywhere you go and almost everyone you see is a muppet..? muppets that think they own the roads/pavements/world..?
especially on the roads, muppets who go around roundabouts not indicating where they are leaving, and have the brass bo##ocks to swear at you when you pull out on them... sorry, i'm not a bloody clairvoyant, and if i was i'd predict next weeks lottery numbers and let somebody else drive me. muppets
and all theses people that predicted the world was gonna be sucked into a black hole when the particle accelerator was switched on in switzerland... at the time of writing, they haven't done that bloody experiment yet... and the same thing happens 1000's of times a day naturally, and i for one believe stephen hawking, who is NO muppet. the only black hole they are gonna dissapear up is their own arses.
oh and "celebrity" chefs, my arse. ok, you might be television and have a successful chain of restaurants, but don't forget how you got them... customers....if theses "chefs" carry on being muppets and generally having their heads so far up their arses they are likely to pop out, people aren't gonna go, and i personally would love to see gordon ramsey et al, out on their arses. ( not like i'm jealous in any way you understand) muppets.
oh, and in addition to my previous posts, it looks like john mccain is gaining popularity.... more of the same but a fatter muppet

on a final note, " whats green green and smells of pork? kermits dick. ;)

squeezing out another blog

Hi there, been a week since my last blog, Quick question... who's getting bored of everybody going on about the Hillary Clinton/ Barrack Obama election rubbish.... i personally couldn't give a xxxx who gets in, whether it be a woman or a black man ... wait a minute, HE ISN'T BLACK !!!
yes, we've all heard that his fathers Kenyan and his mothers white, so technically he's half-caste not black, and I'm pretty bloody sure i would be politically and factually INCORRECT to call him white... so why call him black ???
and Hillary "its ok for my rich presidential husband to get blown by a young slapper because i'm in the limelight, and perhaps i should have done it instead "Clinton is spitting the dummy about losing to a "black" man... if i got caught being blown and my wife found out , it would quite likely end in either divorce or a "bobbit" hahaha..

so who do we trust to be in charge of the biggest war-mongering country in the world? a "black" man ? an all too forgiving woman? or the fat guy who has said very little while the fiasco was being played out?... my moneys on HOMER !!

Thinking THREE are taking the p#ss...

ok ,today i got the wifes phone back after repair to be told by the shop staff, ( couldn't possibly comment on their ability, or lack of..) that the fault was caused by the battery, and that the battery isn't covered by the manufacturers warranty... ok , it isn't the manufacturers responsibility to honour that, but bearing in mind the thing is under a year old, there must be some kind of claim i can make, or maybe cancel my contract due to the phone being unfit for purpose... worth a try, and it would be nice ( just for once) to get in touch with somebody in the U.K that has at least an ounce of sense outside the scripted bollocks that they always spheel, and to talk to somebody called DAVE not DAVMINDER.
" thank you for calling three, can i take your order ?"
" yeah, a new battery, and a chicken madras please.... oh, and a pint of kingfisher"